In the same way that feminists cringe when people assume their nurse will be a woman, I cringe when people assume I will be dropping a sprog simply because I have a womb. The mildest reaction I come across is this surprise but it can also be the most frustrating; it comes in the same class as 'you're young, you'll want them when you're older' - the 'Biological Clock' argument if you will. It was actually quite a relief to hear a woman in her 40's say that she knew in her 20's that she definitely didn't want kids, because I'm sick of patronising people metaphorically patting me on the head & saying 'you'll understand when you're older'. They don't tell 20 yr olds who want babies to wait & see if they change their mind do they?
The problem with the Biological Clock argument is that it assumes this person knows more about my body than I do. If I do have this hypothetical clock then I haven't heard a tick out of it yet. Not only do I not have a clock, I don't even have the concept of time, there is no drive in me to want to be around children. Consequently I don't feel 'childless' any more than I feel 'badgerless'. Although I would totally love a badger. I find it very hard to believe that in the next 20 years my personality will go through some Jekyll & Hide transition & I will suddenly find myself in Mothercare crying at teething rings.
I also resent the idea that my body decides what I do. If modern woman can be attracted to scrawny men with dangerously low testosterone levels but massive brains, then I can quite happily go without pregnancy thank you.
At the other end of the scale from surprise is outright hostility. Luckily I'm rather too young to encounter many women who simply left it too late, or have exhausted all their options apart from adoption, but I have encountered them, & in my experience they can be the most vitriolic of them all. Some people seem to think that it's my duty to have a baby simply because I am female (did they have children through a sense of duty? How would said children feel about hearing that?!), or they think I value my career over children (really, I'm not that dedicated to my £16k/year job I assure you!), or they think that I am lying to myself for some up-to-now unidentified reason. They are simply unable to make the leap from their own barren existence, to a perfectly happy life with a dog. Personally I would love to think that they are jealous of my ability to do whatever I want at any given moment, but that's probably projectionism. They probably really do love babies, & good for them.
I am sick and tired of having explain myself to people like this, & unfortunately I can only see it getting worse as I get older, but at least having written this blog I have something to wrap round a brick & throw through their window.
And I'm not getting BLOODY MARRIED EITHER!!!!!
Are you telling me you'd rather have the child over the puppy? At least the puppy can bring your slippers...
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